We dine at the Village Pub.

I need a new name for it. ‘Pub’ implies somewhere heartier.

‘Village Hotel/Restaurant’ doesn’t really flow. ‘Inn’ implies somewhere with less stainless steel.

We’ll stick to ‘pub’ for now.

My dinner was faultless. They asked me if everything was ‘all right’ a couple of times, but they’re new and nervous, so I can forgive them that. And what’s more, when I asked for a half-pint, the barman put three-quarters in my pint mug. As everybody knows, this is the best thing that can happen to a bloke that doesn’t involve oral sex.

I hereby urge all my readers to dine at the Village Pub/Hotel/Restaurant/Inn.

Tell them I sent you and they will leave you alone whilst you eat.