Well, in a not entirely unexpected turn of events, the "spray paint"s have it. I didn’t even need Jeb Bush to fix it for me, though he was on comment standby with some fake names that he got from www.mypornname.com and the Florida electoral roll. Which are perhaps one and the same thing.

So, I find myself forced to go and rub shoulders with celebrities and see women wearing nothing but spray paint. The lengths I go to to find interesting things to blog about. I hope that JonnyB appreciates my efforts, but I’m slightly worried that I may be raising the stakes for him content-wise, forcing him into an ever more thrilling world of naked supermodels and designer drugs that you, his audience, will have a taste for hearing about by the time he comes back.

It’s a bit like looking after someone’s dog and feeding it expensive dog food. Then when its owner comes back, it won’t touch the cheap stuff any more.

I’m not quite sure what I will say if I find myself in conversation with a woman wearing only spray paint though.

"Are you wearing an undercoat?"

"Is it really that cold in here?"

"Whoops, I appear to have spilt white spirit all over you."

More tomorrow. It’s been emulsion-al...