Why’s he doing it?

Gordon, I mean. Gordon Ramsay.

I mean – the man’s a genuine superstar. Michelin stars. Huge popular respect. He’s achieved a deserved position at the top of his game, is judged on his own terms and has stormed passed the barrier where he could have sat back and traded on his name.

So why ‘Hell’s Kitchen’? Why?

It would be like Sir Bobby Robson doing an embarrassing crisps commercial.

Oops. Bad analogy.

But it’s all I can think of, as I sit here, my brain oozing out onto the carpet.

I think I’ll probably like the show by the end of it, as long as Amanda whatsherface, clearly the most spoilt and self-centred person in the entire world, gets voted off in the early stages. I’d watch anything with Al Murray in it, and it does thrill me in a truly misogynistic and juvenile way that Abi Titmuss is proving to be an absolute angel in the kitchen.

Why?

Why?

Why make yourself look a twat in front of Anthony Worrell-Thompson?

I could turn up there stark bollock naked except for an amusing Warner Bros tie and a copy of Jordan’s autobiography taped over my privates, and Anthony Worrell-Thompson would still be the bigger cunt out of the both of us.

Why?

Somebody? Please?