“But first, here’s KLFM traffic and travel, with Sonia!”

I like Sonia. She has a nice voice.

“Hello! Starting with the north of the town, both John Kennedy and Edward Benefer Way are clear at the moment. The bypass is running smoothly from Knight’s Hill down to the Hardwick, and no problems there. Looking at the A47, traffic’s moving smoothly both ways, and the A10 appears to be clear.”

“Looking further afield, we’ve had no reports of problems on the A17; no problems around Wisbech, and everything’s clear around Downham and Setch.”

“Turning to public transport: both the railways and buses are running to timetable, with no reported delays.”

“But if you hear of any problems *tone of desperation* call me on the jambusters hotline: 01553...”

It’s like this most weekdays.

Poor Sonia. She must spend her life under the constant pressure of redundancy. I would miss her nice voice.

If I were a mad stalking psycho in love with her, I would drive my car into a chemical lorry in the middle of the rush hour.

Fortunately I am not.