That’s it!!!

There are no excuses, and Dulux has been transcribed onto my corporate boycott list of death. They join the New Covent Garden Soup Company, Serviceteam, Egg and Halliburton.

Actually, I am not quite sure whether it should be Dulux or ICI (parent company). I have ranks of corporate lawyers working on this at the moment. Just because you have a cute dog on the payroll does not mean that you are not an evil corporation.

When I buy four tins of ‘Once’ paint, I feel entitled to expect that I will only have to paint once. ‘Once’, you see. It is quite straightforward. ‘Once’ = once.

It is my opinion, I told the Lady in Customer Care at Dulux, that your ‘Once’ paint should not be called ‘Once’. It should be called ‘Twice’. In fact, on some bits of the wall, I would be justified in referring to it as ‘Three Times a Lady’.

They offer a money-back guarantee that ‘Once’ = once.

But I do not just want my money back.

I want compensation for the fact that, us being averse to spending our weekend painting, we ignored all sorts of interesting colours in the shop and considered only those available in the ‘Once’ range.

I want compensation for the aforementioned weekend, spent painting.

Most of all, I want compensation for the consequences of my initial comment to the LTLP that perhaps the paint wasn’t working because she wasn’t brushing it in properly, and it was typical, and let me have a go.

Once. My arse.