Here's the announcement of the new Pope, as the newspapers reported it yesterday:
OUR FATHER WHO ACHTUNG IN HEAVEN
OUT OF CONTROL -
Whilst a million British Catholics are turned down for the job, this man slipped from country to country and now lives in luxury at their expense.
POPE HOUSE PRICE SHOCK
TORY TURMOIL AS NEW POPE ELECTED
Inside: Paul Carr on how Bloggers influenced the cardinals.
WITH JOYOUS LOVE FROM OUR HOLY FATHER
Inside! Send them home; look at that ugly slapper; burn them, etc.
News of the World:
NoW MAN INFILTRATES PAPAL CONCLAVE -
Red-robed reporter in shock security expose
POPE JOHN PAUL 'IS DYING'
VATICAN COMMUNICATION STRATEGY LACKS INTEGRATION -
Man in wanky glasses slams chimney system
Richmond and Twickenham Times
RESIDENT ANGER AT POPE CHOICE -
'Council did not consult us' claim residents of posh street.
Lynn News (King's Lynn):
NEW POPE'S WEST NORFOLK CONNECTION -
North Lynn couple once holidayed in Austria, which is quite near Germany, where he came from